It’s #National Adoption Awareness month, did you know this? Maybe you didn’t because the thought of adoption has never crossed your mind. But have you ever thought that you may be having conversations with an adoptee?
If you have ever had a conversation with me then you have had a conversation with an adoptee. I am an adopted child.
I have been having the itch to write lately. Maybe because I have been having writer’s block for the last couple of months, more like the past year. But lately, I’ve been having dreams, and I’ve been listening to some brave people sharing their life stories. One of them was Adele! That live concert was FIRE! Her vulnerability inspired me to continue to speak up about my struggles so that others can find true healing. Yesterday I had a conversation with a professional in His 40’s and He happened to come across an article that was written about me. He thanked me for my vulnerability, transparency to share my past struggles, strengths, and hope with the world. It was at that moment when I realized that you never know who is reading your content! It may be the person that God is trying to speak to. The person He wants to reach, and transform their life. The person that feels that they are in the pit of hell, that is on their knees in need of a miracle. Our words are powerful. More powerful than we think. There is healing in our words if we use them for good. With this in mind. I wanted to answer some questions about my adoption story because I know there are many out there searching for purpose and true meaning in life. Also because you never know what someone has walked through in their life. So let’s do better and not be quick to judge. Instead, learn about their life story. Listen more to their heart instead of trying to fix them. There is always a reason why they walk around with a chip on their wing.
So here it goes…
At what age was I adopted?
I was 3 1/2 years old. I was brought over from Mexico to the United States.
Did you know your adopted parents?
No, but my biological mom knew my dad that adopted me–they were first cousins. Except my dad Is also adopted so they weren’t blood-related either. I know it gets complicated. A couple months ago my dad mentioned that my bio mom was possibly adopted too. So this is a generational pattern. My birth dad wanted nothing to do with me so I don’t talk about him much.
Do I know my birth parents?
Do I ever think about meeting them?
I go through waves. Sometimes they begin to crash. The emotions come heavy. I think usually during the holidays, or my birthday or big milestone changes in my life. There have been times when I watch movies that have an adoption backstory, or I hear a podcast that I can relate to. That always stirs up a desire but then I think of all the things that can go right and wrong. More wrong to be honest.
What emotion(s) do I feel often as an adoptee?
Fear, fear of change, being out of control, abandonment, loss, not being liked, anger. People pleasing, and codependency.
What questions do I often think about?
I wonder if my mom, siblings, or dad ever think about me. I wonder if they have ever come looking for me. I wonder the infamous question “Why”.
I also grew up feeling very angry at life.
The most painful thing for me is that I don’t own any pictures before the age of 4. This is why I feel very disconnected—to my birth story. Anything before the age of 4 is a blur to me—a piece of my life missing. This might be the cause of why I struggled with PPD and PPA when I had my own children. Anyone struggling with PPD and PPA you’re not alone. Seek help, pray and find your happy place again.
What would you tell your parents if you ever got the opportunity to meet them?
Well, I don’t feel like I have any connection to my bio dad, but I do feel a small connection with my bio mom. I think because my dad tells me I look like her. He also mentioned I had a biological sister. At this point in my healing journey, I would tell her, thank you! Thank you for giving me life. Thank you for trying to keep me safe. Thank you for giving me the opportunity to live a better life. I would also be honest and tell her I often think about her. Now would I let her in my house? No, not until I get to know what her intention is, and see if she is a safe person to let into my life and family.
What are the things I am thankful for?
I am thankful for my mom and dad’s heart to answer the calling to adopt me. I’m also thankful for my younger sister to accept me as her true sister. After they adopted me they gave birth to my sister. I am also thankful for getting the opportunity to live in America. I also have the freedom to speak and write. I am thankful for being able to work and create a beautiful life with my now husband and daughters.
Do I love my adopted parents?
Yes, I consider them my only parents. They loved me unconditionally. Yes we had our struggles, and I didn’t always make it easy on them, and vice versa but they still loved me with scars and all.
Would I ever adopt?
If God opened the door for us, and my husband was fully on board. Yes.
What encouragement would I give to another adoptee?
“Always be your true self. Ask the hard questions. Don’t be afraid to go searching for your true self, and your identity. Know that you’re fearfully and wonderfully made. You’re not a mistake. You have a God-given purpose on this earth, and when you find out what that is you will walk in your true calling. Make space to heal from your past so that you don’t bleed emotionally into every relationship God bless you with. Always remember that your brokenness God will use to bring healing to others. Allow God to turn your mess into a message of love, grace, and purpose. Lastly, it’s not your fault. You had no control over other people’s emotions and decisions in life. But it is your choice on how you chose to live the remaining of your life. So live abundantly free from anger, unforgiveness, resentment, and all bitterness. Make peace with your past so that you can live out all the great things God has for you.” – Reyna
Where have I found my peace?
In 2011 I hit rock bottom. I had an identity crisis, I was very angry. depressed with crippling anxiety. I was battling loneliness. I had ended a 4-year codependent relationship. It was at that moment that I had to face all my fears, insecurities, and demons.
I realized I had always relied on someone to bring me contentment in this life. I wasn’t happy alone. When I was alone I was afraid. I was afraid to sit with me “Reyna”. I often needed validation from others, I just wanted to be loved. It was that year that I chose to make space for my spirit, mind, and body to heal. I spend time alone getting to know myself, I built an intimate relationship with my creator — G _ D! I chose to boldly seek Jesus and trust that he would heal all my past wounds, and cleanse my heart, and make things new for me. It was a transforming year for me! I began to love myself, forgive myself, and attract healthy people in my life. The fruit on the bare tree began to flourish. I then met my now husband and he was a part of my healing story of G_Ds grace and love! Then I gave birth to my two girls and I received more healing. My life is full of love. I thank G_d for that!
I leave you with some encouraging truth:
For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. Jeremiah 29:11-13
“I am the true vine, and my Father is the gardener. He cuts off every branch in me that bears no fruit, while every branch that does bear fruit he prunes so that it will be even more fruitful. You are already clean because of the word I have spoken to you. Remain in me, as I also remain in you. No branch can bear fruit by itself; it must remain in the vine. Neither can you bear fruit unless you remain in me.“
“I am the vine; you are the branches. If you remain in me and I in you, you will bear much fruit; apart from me, you can do nothing. If you do not remain in me, you are like a branch that is thrown away and withers; such branches are picked up, thrown into the fire, and burned. If you remain in me and my words remain in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be done for you. This is to my Father’s glory, that you bear much fruit, showing yourselves to be my disciples.“As the Father has loved me, so have I loved you. Now remain in my love. John 15
“In love He predestined us to be adopted as His sons through Jesus Christ, in accordance with His pleasure and will…” Ephesians 1:5
“You are so loved. brave. creative. Now go create something beautiful in this world.” -Reyna