Featured

Adoption…

It’s #National Adoption Awareness month, did you know this? Maybe you didn’t because the thought of adoption has never crossed your mind. But have you ever thought that you may be having conversations with an adoptee?

If you have ever had a conversation with me then you have had a conversation with an adoptee. I am an adopted child.

I have been having the itch to write lately. Maybe because I have been having writer’s block for the last couple of months, more like the past year. But lately, I’ve been having dreams, and I’ve been listening to some brave people sharing their life stories. One of them was Adele! That live concert was FIRE! Her vulnerability inspired me to continue to speak up about my struggles so that others can find true healing. Yesterday I had a conversation with a professional in His 40’s and He happened to come across an article that was written about me. He thanked me for my vulnerability, transparency to share my past struggles, strengths, and hope with the world. It was at that moment when I realized that you never know who is reading your content! It may be the person that God is trying to speak to. The person He wants to reach, and transform their life. The person that feels that they are in the pit of hell, that is on their knees in need of a miracle. Our words are powerful. More powerful than we think. There is healing in our words if we use them for good. With this in mind. I wanted to answer some questions about my adoption story because I know there are many out there searching for purpose and true meaning in life. Also because you never know what someone has walked through in their life. So let’s do better and not be quick to judge. Instead, learn about their life story. Listen more to their heart instead of trying to fix them. There is always a reason why they walk around with a chip on their wing.

So here it goes…

At what age was I adopted?

I was 3 1/2 years old. I was brought over from Mexico to the United States.

Did you know your adopted parents?

No, but my biological mom knew my dad that adopted me–they were first cousins. Except my dad Is also adopted so they weren’t blood-related either. I know it gets complicated. A couple months ago my dad mentioned that my bio mom was possibly adopted too. So this is a generational pattern. My birth dad wanted nothing to do with me so I don’t talk about him much.

Do I know my birth parents?

No.

Do I ever think about meeting them?

I go through waves. Sometimes they begin to crash. The emotions come heavy. I think usually during the holidays, or my birthday or big milestone changes in my life. There have been times when I watch movies that have an adoption backstory, or I hear a podcast that I can relate to. That always stirs up a desire but then I think of all the things that can go right and wrong. More wrong to be honest.

What emotion(s) do I feel often as an adoptee?

Fear, fear of change, being out of control, abandonment, loss, not being liked, anger. People pleasing, and codependency.

What questions do I often think about?

I wonder if my mom, siblings, or dad ever think about me. I wonder if they have ever come looking for me. I wonder the infamous question “Why”.

I also grew up feeling very angry at life.

The most painful thing for me is that I don’t own any pictures before the age of 4. This is why I feel very disconnected—to my birth story. Anything before the age of 4 is a blur to me—a piece of my life missing. This might be the cause of why I struggled with PPD and PPA when I had my own children. Anyone struggling with PPD and PPA you’re not alone. Seek help, pray and find your happy place again.

What would you tell your parents if you ever got the opportunity to meet them?

Well, I don’t feel like I have any connection to my bio dad, but I do feel a small connection with my bio mom. I think because my dad tells me I look like her. He also mentioned I had a biological sister. At this point in my healing journey, I would tell her, thank you! Thank you for giving me life. Thank you for trying to keep me safe. Thank you for giving me the opportunity to live a better life. I would also be honest and tell her I often think about her. Now would I let her in my house? No, not until I get to know what her intention is, and see if she is a safe person to let into my life and family.

What are the things I am thankful for?

I am thankful for my mom and dad’s heart to answer the calling to adopt me. I’m also thankful for my younger sister to accept me as her true sister. After they adopted me they gave birth to my sister. I am also thankful for getting the opportunity to live in America. I also have the freedom to speak and write. I am thankful for being able to work and create a beautiful life with my now husband and daughters.

Do I love my adopted parents?

Yes, I consider them my only parents. They loved me unconditionally. Yes we had our struggles, and I didn’t always make it easy on them, and vice versa but they still loved me with scars and all.

Would I ever adopt?

If God opened the door for us, and my husband was fully on board. Yes.

What encouragement would I give to another adoptee?

Always be your true self. Ask the hard questions. Don’t be afraid to go searching for your true self, and your identity. Know that you’re fearfully and wonderfully made. You’re not a mistake. You have a God-given purpose on this earth, and when you find out what that is you will walk in your true calling. Make space to heal from your past so that you don’t bleed emotionally into every relationship God bless you with. Always remember that your brokenness God will use to bring healing to others. Allow God to turn your mess into a message of love, grace, and purpose. Lastly, it’s not your fault. You had no control over other people’s emotions and decisions in life. But it is your choice on how you chose to live the remaining of your life. So live abundantly free from anger, unforgiveness, resentment, and all bitterness. Make peace with your past so that you can live out all the great things God has for you.” – Reyna

Where have I found my peace?

In 2011 I hit rock bottom. I had an identity crisis, I was very angry. depressed with crippling anxiety. I was battling loneliness. I had ended a 4-year codependent relationship. It was at that moment that I had to face all my fears, insecurities, and demons.

I realized I had always relied on someone to bring me contentment in this life. I wasn’t happy alone. When I was alone I was afraid. I was afraid to sit with me “Reyna”. I often needed validation from others, I just wanted to be loved. It was that year that I chose to make space for my spirit, mind, and body to heal. I spend time alone getting to know myself, I built an intimate relationship with my creator — G _ D! I chose to boldly seek Jesus and trust that he would heal all my past wounds, and cleanse my heart, and make things new for me. It was a transforming year for me! I began to love myself, forgive myself, and attract healthy people in my life. The fruit on the bare tree began to flourish. I then met my now husband and he was a part of my healing story of G_Ds grace and love! Then I gave birth to my two girls and I received more healing. My life is full of love. I thank G_d for that!

I leave you with some encouraging truth:

 For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. Jeremiah 29:11-13

“I am the true vine, and my Father is the gardener. He cuts off every branch in me that bears no fruit, while every branch that does bear fruit he prunes so that it will be even more fruitful. You are already clean because of the word I have spoken to you.  Remain in me, as I also remain in you. No branch can bear fruit by itself; it must remain in the vine. Neither can you bear fruit unless you remain in me.

“I am the vine; you are the branches. If you remain in me and I in you, you will bear much fruit; apart from me, you can do nothing. If you do not remain in me, you are like a branch that is thrown away and withers; such branches are picked up, thrown into the fire, and burned. If you remain in me and my words remain in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be done for you. This is to my Father’s glory, that you bear much fruit, showing yourselves to be my disciples.“As the Father has loved me, so have I loved you. Now remain in my love. John 15

In love He predestined us to be adopted as His sons through Jesus Christ, in accordance with His pleasure and will…” Ephesians 1:5

“You are so loved. brave. creative. Now go create something beautiful in this world.” -Reyna

 

Featured

Believe in yourself first.

It was 8 months ago when I published my first devotional. It was a dream I had in my heart for 10 years. Then God began to use people to speak it into my life. That seed grew. My faith began to flourish and doubt began to diminish. I started to believe in myself. I started to believe that if God called me to it He would help me write it. And guess what?!? He did. He put all the right people in my path. They would help me with editing, accountability, and graphic design. Women helping (supporting) women. Helping them make their wildest dreams come true. I’m here at 12 am to remind someone of their calling. Im here to remind you to tend to your calling. Nurture it, tend to it, and watch it grow. But first, you must believe in yourself! Believe you can do all thing through Christ who gives you strength. Phil 4:13

P.S My 30 day devotional is available on Amazon paperback and kindle.

21 months Sober!!

This is My sober app countdown I can’t believe I’m 1 yr and 21 months sober. In 2 months I celebrate 2yrs alcohol-free. For a long time I was sober curious. I just felt stuck, unhappy, restless, and not happy on how I dealt with my stress. I didn’t deal with it in a healthy way I drank socially and on the weekends. I couldn’t wait for the weekend bc It was my excuse to drink. God spoke to me for about 7 years to lay the alcohol down and finally on September 10, 2019 I obeyed. My life has been so much more fruitful. The discipline it takes..the accountability, and the support it takes to stay alcohol free in such a alcohol driven world. It’s hard but not impossible! With God all things are possible. It’s a one day at a time process. I will keep moving forward in obedience because God is faithful!

I use the Sober Time app.

You’re not alone in this pain.

Photo by Jill Wellington on Pexels.com

I have often felt alone in my pain. Like no one else can relate to all the feelings I have. Feeling like I’m the only one in this emotional chaos. A tumbleweed of emotions. The wind blowing me left, right and all around! Everyday trying to center myself, and capture every thought captive. I have questioned my Heavenly Father, “Why me?” Why do I have tall these emotions, this kind of story, a story of pain, division, different types of abuse, addictions, hardship, sorrow, a generation of brokenness?

The Lord replied, “Why not you Reyna”? I want to use your pain to touch the lives of many. Your pain, your stories, your life is relatable to many. You just don’t realize it because they are suffering in silence. And the more you keep your pain to yourself the longer you all will suffer in silence.

I walked on this earth to set people free. I gave you that story because I knew I could trust you with that pain. I knew I could trust you to share it to set other people free.

I want to break every chain, addictions, strongholds, and demonic spirits that cause chaos in the lives of my children.

I want people to see my power working through you. I want people to experience my healing power through your redemption story.

My love is sufficient. My love heals all wounds. My love turns your ashes in to something beautiful.

I am mighty to save.

I am your true companion.

I am your healer.

I am your healing balm.

I gave you all those emotions so you can write and bring healing to many.

Will you write? Will you sing? Will you paint? Will you draw? Will you create? Will you speak?

Will you stop running from my purpose for your life.

Will you be willing to share the redemption story I am writing through you?

Will you allow me to create something beautiful with your ashes? – God

Sit, listen, stop striving will you just adore me.

With Christmas around the corner, I found myself baking cookies, binge watching holiday movies, and the latest Netflix shows, planning out gifts, scrolling on Amazon for gifts. Some days in the shopping aisle trying to fill the advent calendar, and stuffing the stockings. When then my physical and mental health began spiriling down for the millionth time–my body aching, head hurting, digestive issues calling out to me again. A constant pattern I fall into. Why? What now? What are you trying to tell me body?

Ofcourse, like many of us I thought it had to be Covid. Geez…everything is Covid these days.

Well I headed to the computer at midnight to make an appointment at CVS. Thank God there was something available. The next day I went to take the test, and 2 days later it came out negative.

So what now?

Then, I heard the spirit of the Lord tell me,

“Reyna stop striving!” You don’t have to proof to me your worthy of being loved, or of receiving my blessings. The burn out, the exhaustion, the worry is tied to the root of you not feeling worthy of my love. Why do you feel like you always have to be performing, striving, achieving, doing? Instead of sitting down and enjoying the calmness and peace that I offer, you are anxiously pacing around your home trying to fulfill the next items on your to-do list. I am the prince of peace my daughter.

The christmas lights, cookies, presents, hot cocoa, stockings, decorations it’s all nice but that’s not as important then sitting with me. Instead, will you just sit with me? Will you put me first, adore me, abide in me? Will you surrender what you think your life should look like in this season? Will you trust in me alone? Can you stop the Instagram scrolling, the comparison, the feeling of lack, and instead of being like Martha in the bible, be more like Mary.

According to the Gospel of Luke: As Jesus and his disciples were on their way, he came to a village where a woman named Martha opened her home to him. She had a sister called Mary, who sat at the Lord’s feet listening to what he said.

As Jesus and his disciples were on their way, he came to a village where a woman named Martha opened her home to him. 39 She had a sister called Mary, who sat at the Lord’s feet listening to what he said. 40 But Martha was distracted by all the preparations that had to be made. She came to him and asked, “Lord, don’t you care that my sister has left me to do the work by myself? Tell her to help me!” 41 “Martha, Martha,” the Lord answered, “you are worried and upset about many things, 42 but few things are needed—or indeed only one.[a] Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her.” Luke 10: 38-42

Listen to what I have to tell you instead of trying to figure it all out.

Will you stop all the doing, and be present?

Will you reflect on my goodness, and the blessings right in front of you instead of focusing on what you don’t have.

Can you embrace the season your in, and fulfill the mission that is right in front of you.

Be faithful with the little?

Will you nurture your kids, lead them well? Be faithful with building a firm foundation in your home before you go out and build other things that don’t have eternal value.

Wow! That one hit me hard ya’ll. It made me realize that daily I have to check my priorities, realign myself with His will. I often get distracted and loose my focus. Sometimes I focus so much on the future that I forget to enjoy whats in front of me, and I miss out on His blessings.

Can you relate?

The great news is that if I make time for the word of God (The Bible) and prayer, I am reminded that He is my shepherd. He leads me back to His everlasting arms. His grace is sufficient. He knows me so well, that He knows where to find me (dreaming of the future most days).

Here are some realignment questions:

Where is your mind these days?

Where is your time being spent?

What takes prominent space on your schedule?

Are you enjoying the main reason for the season…Jesus?

Are you adoring Him?

Are you sitting in awe of His goodness?

Praising Him for all I have done for you this year?

Calling out your daily blessings?

Are you sharing the love of Jesus to your children or to those around you?

Are you displaying to your kids how important the bible is?

Are you showing them that you make time to read the word of God?

Are you reading the word of God to your children?

Showing those around you what’s most important in this life.

Are you serving your community?

Are you resting on your sabaath?

Are you using the gifts I gave you to bless others in your life?

When people look at your life and see Jesus?

If not, grace upon grace, this isn’t to shame you but to call out to you that it’s time to make a shift! Choose whats better. It’s time to adore Him, and focus on the real reason for the season. Focus on the one that sustains, provides, comforts, heals and brings you everlasting peace. Allow Him to help you, to carry you and redirect you.

I sat there in wonder of His goodness, oh how he loves me. He calls me by name. He feels the same way about you. I hope you know that, if not now you know.

Let’s stop our anxious ways and Let us adore Him.

@reynamorrisco
XO, Reyna Morris

Follow me @reynamorrisco